Wow Amanda! Beautifully written. It's wonderful you've found boundaries with your mother, and it seems right that you would get angry with her invasions, as anger is how we set boundaries. You surely deserved more, though have come away with such grace. 🙏🏻✨
Thanks, Amanda, for sharing this. I am borrowing the Kindle quote on wanting others to suffer, as this is a common refrain in the US as shared suffering is wished on the people who voted for Trump. My way of dealing with parental narcissism, neglect and abuse is to kill him off in my next book (the passage I read to you). No one is alive who knew him, other than me. So it helps to deal with him that way.
Borrow away, Lee Ann. Hope it can help you to change some minds. I’m all about forgiving so my writing focuses on understanding the why of it and showing how people can end up doing the things they do.
I love pretty much anything by Thích Nhất Hạnh. In college, we read 'Being Peace' for our religion and spirituality class. I'm sorry about your loss and to hear that your stepmother has brought you so much grief. Have you considered not reading any of the messages? sending them straight to trash?
There's this mantra that I learned from Marianne Williamson's 'A Return to Love' that I've never forgotten. It goes like this, "I forgive you _______, and I release you to the Holy Spirit." I'm not even religious but I could feel the idea behind it. I'm sure you could substitute it for something else like 'universe'. It's simple, but powerful and when I need it, that's what I say.
Regardless, I think keeping busy with what nourishes you, like your writing, is the perfect antidote. Thank you, Amanda. Sending you hugs from Cambodia!
Thanks Lani. She sends them through my website using different email addresses and on my phone using numbers I don’t know, so I don’t know they’re from her until I’m reading them! I have done a lot of work to forgive the past, but it’s an ongoing practice!
I had a similar break with my own mother at one point, as well as with my ex-spouse. It is very difficult to navigate the waters of forgiveness and find peace when people have deeply hurt you - and often have not apologized or recognized how hurtful their behavior was.
The one thing that helped me most in this endeavor was the “love your enemy” idea. I began to pray for them and when I did, I discovered a compassion for them that I never thought was possible. I realized that they are unhappy people - on the inside, deep down. And it is their own unhappiness with themselves that drives mean behavior. This allowed me to feel both pity and compassion for them and the anger slowly faded away. The most amazing truth came from this realization - forgiving careless people and choosing to love them frees US and brings US peace… it isn’t for THEM.
Wow Amanda! Beautifully written. It's wonderful you've found boundaries with your mother, and it seems right that you would get angry with her invasions, as anger is how we set boundaries. You surely deserved more, though have come away with such grace. 🙏🏻✨
Thanks Kate. Those boundaries were a long time coming and now I feel fiercely protective of them! 💙
Thanks, Amanda, for sharing this. I am borrowing the Kindle quote on wanting others to suffer, as this is a common refrain in the US as shared suffering is wished on the people who voted for Trump. My way of dealing with parental narcissism, neglect and abuse is to kill him off in my next book (the passage I read to you). No one is alive who knew him, other than me. So it helps to deal with him that way.
Borrow away, Lee Ann. Hope it can help you to change some minds. I’m all about forgiving so my writing focuses on understanding the why of it and showing how people can end up doing the things they do.
Thank you for writing this. Really helpful and beautifully said.
I’m glad it helped, Nina.
Hold strong. You will find your way to peace.
Thanks Christie.
Wishing you ongoing and sustainable peace, my friend. Thank you for so openly sharing this; a post that will help many. 🙏🏽
Thanks Jeanne. I hope it can help someone else.
I love pretty much anything by Thích Nhất Hạnh. In college, we read 'Being Peace' for our religion and spirituality class. I'm sorry about your loss and to hear that your stepmother has brought you so much grief. Have you considered not reading any of the messages? sending them straight to trash?
There's this mantra that I learned from Marianne Williamson's 'A Return to Love' that I've never forgotten. It goes like this, "I forgive you _______, and I release you to the Holy Spirit." I'm not even religious but I could feel the idea behind it. I'm sure you could substitute it for something else like 'universe'. It's simple, but powerful and when I need it, that's what I say.
Regardless, I think keeping busy with what nourishes you, like your writing, is the perfect antidote. Thank you, Amanda. Sending you hugs from Cambodia!
Thanks Lani. She sends them through my website using different email addresses and on my phone using numbers I don’t know, so I don’t know they’re from her until I’m reading them! I have done a lot of work to forgive the past, but it’s an ongoing practice!
I understand.
Thank you for giving us the permission to have a mindful rant! I love that!!
I had a similar break with my own mother at one point, as well as with my ex-spouse. It is very difficult to navigate the waters of forgiveness and find peace when people have deeply hurt you - and often have not apologized or recognized how hurtful their behavior was.
The one thing that helped me most in this endeavor was the “love your enemy” idea. I began to pray for them and when I did, I discovered a compassion for them that I never thought was possible. I realized that they are unhappy people - on the inside, deep down. And it is their own unhappiness with themselves that drives mean behavior. This allowed me to feel both pity and compassion for them and the anger slowly faded away. The most amazing truth came from this realization - forgiving careless people and choosing to love them frees US and brings US peace… it isn’t for THEM.
Thank you for sharing your story, Korie. I’m learning that forgiveness isn’t a one time thing. It’s layered!
It is definitely a process.
The story from the Buddha via Thich Nhat Hanh is very helpful for my own story around all of this. Continued love to you Amanda.
Thanks Emily. I’m glad it helped you too.