Finding peace in life's transitions

Navigating new beginnings and old memories in a familiar place

The setting of our new/old home

Hi friends, I hope all goes well in your world.

I’ve been offline for most of the past couple of weeks. My laptop broke and had to go in for repairs and we also left the house sit in Scotland we had been at for 3.5 months and had to drive from the north of Scotland to the south of England. We then spent 10 days visiting friends and family in my hometown, and yesterday moved back to a tiny village in Devon where we have lived many times over the past 12 years.

We have somewhere to live ongoing in the annexe of our friend’s farmhouse. We have lived here twice before and it is a lovely peaceful space - there’s a wood burner, wooden beams on the ceilings, beautiful views of trees, hills and fields. The location is stunning too. It is just a short drive to the sea and there are woodlands and waterfalls, cliffs and moorlands all around. It feels great to know we can be still for a good long while. But, as lovely as it is here, I have been feeling conflicted about coming back as it is also filled with old sadnesses because of our close friends from here who died. I wrote about losing the two of them here.

But I have been surprised to feel that the sadness has lessened. The happy memories I have of them have been at the fore instead of the grief and shock. I read something once about grief never going away but as time passes, it takes up less space. I think this is what I am experiencing now. My life has grown larger again around the loss. So my thoughts of them are no longer solely about their absence. When we arrived in the annexe last night I sat on the sofa and remembered the last time T and J came over for dinner. I felt them there with me again and for the first time, I laughed out loud when thinking of them instead of feeling the grief of losing them. I will always miss them and I’m sure there are many times when I will feel grief again. But I feel like my grieving has turned a corner, that I can now be back here without it being so hard.

Now that I know I don’t have to expend so much energy on wondering where we will be going next, and looking after other people’s homes and pets, I’m excited about the time and headspace that can be returned to my writing and teaching. I’ve spent the time in my hometown wandering the streets where the novel I am just starting work on is set. Trying to remember what it was like in 1990 as it has changed a lot since then. I’m excited to start writing as I have now figured out, I think, what it is I am writing about. I talked about not knowing in this post.

Our friends whose annexe we’re living in also have holiday cottages here and they are closed for the winter from November to late March, so for the first time in four years, I am going to be running some tutored writing retreats again. I am really looking forward to it. The last one I ran took place here in February 2020 and I am excited to be able to welcome writers back here again. The first retreat will be in November and I’ll be sharing more info soon.

For now though, I am settling back in, letting the memories, thoughts and feelings come and not trying to change any of them. I’m accepting what is as that’s what a mindfulness practice has taught me to do. It has brought me peace and that has brought new depth, care and love to all that I do, and write.

With love,

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