Becoming compassionate writers
Starts with growing compassion for ourselves
Welcome to The Writing Sanctuary, which brings together insights and inspiration adapted from my Year of Mindful Writing and training in therapeutic journalling and positive psychology, my many years of experience as a fiction writer, creative writing teacher and publisher of other people’s books and stories, and my journey with mindfulness, Taoism, Buddhism, Gnosticism and metaphysics.
Each month there will be a mix of ideas and writing prompts that can help you develop your craft, connect more deeply to who you are as a writer and a human, and find ways of using your writing as a force of good in the world.
If you’re a paid member, you’re all set for these monthly posts, which will arrive in your inbox on the first Friday of the month. You’ll be able to share your responses to the writing prompts in the comments and I can’t wait to read what comes up for you.
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Being a Compassionate Writer
Fostering more compassion, understanding and empathy in the world through writing is at the heart of what I am doing here at The Mindful Writer. It’s what matters to me most about my writing, my teaching, my way of being in the world. It’s what I want to share with the people who read my words and take workshops and courses with me. It feels really important to do in the times we find ourselves living in. And because you’re here reading this, I believe it’s important to you too.
Our societies are divided. Families are fractured. The world’s resources are being pillaged for profit. Wars rage endlessly. The things that really don’t matter have come to be the most revered while love, connection, spirituality, peace and understanding are often seen as weaknesses. It seems that many people have lost their way.
This disconnection, fear and division is being driven by words designed to keep us apart. Words in news stories, in novels, in TV programmes and movies, in political rhetoric. Words that want to make us forget what really matters. To stop us from remembering that we are all one and in this together. That what happens to one, happens to all.
So as mindful and compassionate writers, it’s up to us to use our words to bring people together again, to show that underneath all the surface differences, we are all the same. That what matters is love and that even though some people act in a way that is very far from loving, we need to show them compassion and empathy rather than fear, judgement, and anger.
We have to be what we want to see in the world.
And we need to start by showing compassion to ourselves.
As well as promoting division, our societal structures and cultural conditioning have taught us to judge ourselves so harshly. To give ourselves the hardest of times for our perceived failings. Failings that have been imposed on us by arbitrary standards mainly designed to make us buy things.
So before we can start showing true compassion in our writing, we have to become compassionate writers and that means being kinder and more understanding of ourselves.
What Mary Oliver says here about poetry, I believe applies to all creative writing. To novels, short stories, memoirs and life writing. We have to bring compassionate understanding to ourselves and to all facets of human life.
Changing Critical Self-Talk
Our monkey minds chatter away and, a lot of the time, what they tell us about ourselves isn’t helpful or compassionate. We judge ourselves, and others, harshly. No matter how hard we try not to, that critical voice pipes up again. Sometimes it is trying to help — to keep us safe and stop us making mistakes — but other times it’s just making us feel bad about ourselves.
“You messed up again.”
“You’re not good enough at your job/relationship/writing/life...”
“You look terrible, you can’t go out like that.”
In the coming week, try to become aware of self-critical talk as much as possible. When you notice that you are caught in self-criticism:
Pause and take three deep breaths.
Notice what you say to yourself — are there key phrases that you repeat to yourself often?
What is the tone of your voice when talking to yourself?
Make some notes on the different things you criticise yourself for and what your inner critic says to you.
Journal Prompts
You don’t have to share your responses to these if you don’t want to but if you do, then I would love to read them and you can post them up in the comments. Or just share any ideas and responses you have to any of what I have shared here.
After a week or so of taking notes on your critical self-talk, sit down somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed for at least 30 minutes and write responses to the criticisms as if you were talking to a beloved friend who was saying these things about themselves. Think about these questions while doing so:
Is there any truth in the criticism?
How can I use the inner critic’s feedback in a motivating and constructive way?
How can I remember to talk to myself as I would to a beloved friend more often when my inner critic pipes up?
What are three positive qualities I have that my inner critic tends to overlook?
Now we’re going to look at how we can move beyond giving ourselves such a hard time.
Letting go of judgement
Our societies have led us to become judgemental of ourselves and others by building competitiveness and comparison at the heart of what we do, and also by creating a preferred, conventional way of being. So people that don't live aligned with those conventions are considered weird, difficult, odd. We are encouraged to judge others by our social conditioning.
Letting go of judgement is not a simple and easy thing to do. It is not a destination we reach. It is a practice that we have to do each and every day. Despite our best efforts we will find ourselves judging again. When we do, it's important not to beat ourselves up for doing so and also to stop following those thoughts.
When we feel happier and more secure in ourselves, we will be less likely to judge others harshly. So we have to start with self-compassion to be able to show true compassion to others. These journal prompts can help you to start that journey of being kinder to yourself.
Journal Prompts
You don't have to do these all in one go and can take your time. They can be done one a day, two at a time, or however works for you.
Sit with what comes up, both negative and positive, and then revisit each answer and make notes on the things you can do to shift your perspectives to be more compassionate to yourself.