Hi Mindful Writers,
Recently I wrote a Note that has resonated with lots of people, getting hundreds of interactions. You can see it here, but what I said was:
I am a middle-aged woman in perimenopause living through what appears to be the breakdown of our global society and the end times of the way of living I have always known.
I am self-employed in the arts in a time when they are deemed of no value. In a time when people’s income for taking writing courses is shrinking. I’ve got no pension, no property, only a little bit of savings.
Some days I’m overwhelmed and exhausted and irritable and scared. But most days I dance in the kitchen, stare at clouds, daydream, and know that everything will be okay.
So I wanted to talk more about this today as I think we all need to be honest with ourselves about what’s happening in our world and what it could mean for us. I think a lot of the problems humanity is facing are made worse because we don’t talk properly about it. We don’t let ourselves feel it all properly. That many of us, myself included, just carry on as if everything is always going to be like it always has been. I said in my last post about feeding our fire with good fuel to keep it burning steadily, but doing so doesn’t mean pretending we’re not feeling the things we are.
As I am soon to set off travelling again and be untethered in the world, alongside the feelings of anticipation and relief to not be tethered again, there is also a worry about what the world is going to be like, about whether my income is going to remain enough to keep us sheltered and fed, as my paid subscriptions here have fallen by 30% in the past year and bookings for the Mindful Memoir Course starting next month are low.
But then I remind myself that Writing the Bardo sold out and I have people on a waiting list for Year of Mindful Writing 2027 applications to open; that submissions to WestWord are increasing; and that I have just launched as a teacher on Insight Timer. I am really excited about this latest step on my path and currently have two tracks on there and will be uploading many more in the coming weeks (if you like to do guided meditations and could listen, review and support me on there that would be a great help!). And that after almost four years of re-training, Mr Saint is just launching his qigong teaching venture. So something in me does trust and have a really strong feeling that all will be well.
Even so, somedays I get up and anxiety and dread hums away beneath everything. Fear that my untetheredness is not a good way to live right now. But I can’t help it, I can’t be tethered. I have to wander. Then there’s the grief for our beautiful planet and how it has been ravaged, for the amazing creatures that are struggling to survive, for the many people all around the world who are living in fear, and chaos, and who don’t have enough to eat. For all of the children growing up without the care they need to help them become emotionally mature, kind and resilient adults.
So just like I said in that Note, somedays I struggle to trust and believe. But most days, I am able to hold all of the dark alongside all of the light. As there is just as much light, I know this in my heart to be true.
And I believe that if I just keep connected to my heart, keep it open and filled with loving kindness, that all will be well. Which is not to say there won’t be loss and grief and difficulties, as that is the nature of this human life. But what I have learned on this mindful journey, is that I don’t have to get lost in the suffering. It can live alongside the joy of being here having this life, which is an amazing gift with all of the many emotions and experiences it brings.
And I just keep turning to the Tao Te Ching and the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh to help me live with it all and hold it all as lightly as possible.
"Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything — anger, anxiety, or possessions — we cannot be free.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy, and Liberation.
So when I get up and I am filled with that dread and fear, I feel it all, and I try and figure out where it is coming from, then I try and let it go. Somedays it works, others I cling. And that’s okay. I’m doing the best I can as I live through these volatile times.
Tell me how you are and what helps you to do the best you can?
With love,
Amanda 💙
Write with me
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I recognise so much of this! The grief at the uncertain, damaged world, and the challenge of knowing how we best exist within it. For me, I need to create and I need to be outside and move, and often I feel that’s not enough, but - I remind myself - it is a start.
Felt all the feels in this piece xx